Something Really Horrible For Christmas

Christopher Fowler

 I once wrote a Christmas single. It didn't chart, thank God - I can only say that I was 23 and stupid - but I do still own a copy (45 rpm vinyl) to remind me how horrible music gets at Christmas. This year Enrique Iglesias's 'Bailando' (a worldwide mega-smash) barely managed to reach 75th place in the UK charts after not being promoted 'because it's in Spanish', but 'Do They Know It's Christmas' is in the Top Twenty. However, it would be hard to find anything worse than these two, one by the Jingle-Cats (and dogs) doing carols - there's a whole album if you want more!! - and the other by the beloved, oft-mentioned-here Portsmouth Sinfonia, trying their best, which frankly isn't good enough. Just when you thought their two albums of awful classical music was enough, here's a medley, or a muddle, from them, a sort of 'Hooked On Horrors'... Enjoy! 

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 mooning santa


andrea (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2014 - 12:07

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Oh my! I've heard better elementary school concerts!

Jo W (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2014 - 17:10

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Thanks a bunch,Admin. The 'bottom' picture says it all.😱

John (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2014 - 20:24

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

I'd not heard of the Portsmouth Sinfonia so I went cavorting through the internet reading up on them to learn more. If you are a diligent enough you'll uncover their history and discover how, where, and why it was formed in the first place. To me it sounds like a brave experiment. It was all about musical expression and interpretation and exploring the idea of learning itself. A really fascinating idea not just for an artistic mind but anyone who wants to discover the true nature of learning. They knew they weren't going to be good, but they tried their damndest using all sorts of external cues in addition to trying to read music and mastering their instrument. I remember when I was learning the piano as a kid I spent more time listening to the melody and trying my best to duplicate it as it was supposed to sound then I did actually understanding the concepts of a time signature, musical phrasing and counting rests along with each particular note. That the Sinfonia is admired by professional musicians for all these things and more justifies their long lasting fame...or to some, I guess, infamy.

Helen Martin (not verified) Fri, 12/12/2014 - 21:25

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

If you knowthe background, John, you can appreciate what is going on, but if the recording is just presented as a recording then you can't help but have aural pain. The cats seem to have an accent which makes their performance a bit difficult to understand.

Fiona (not verified) Sat, 20/12/2014 - 00:23

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Most years I try to put together a CD of lesser known Christmas songs. So, here's what I put together for this year. If Admin wants a copy I'm happy to stick one in the post!

Fountains of Wayne — I Want An Alien For Christmas
Guster — Dónde Está Santa Claus?
Jet — Back Door Santa
Bryan Adams — Run Rudolph Run
Bob Dylan — It Must Be Santa
Gabriella Cilmi — Warm This Winter
KT Tunstall — Mele Kalikimaka (Christmas in Hawaii)
Ceelo Green (feat. Rod Stewart) — Merry Christmas, Baby
Bob Seger — Sock It To Me Santa
Jack Johnson — Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Barenaked Ladies — Green Christmas
The Killers — Don't Shoot Me Santa
The Raveonettes — The Christmas Song
Thea Gilmore — That'll Be Christmas
Rufus Wainwright — Spotlight On Christmas
Sufjan Stevens — That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!
Sixpence None The Richer — It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
Badly Drawn Boy — Donna & Blitzen
Ron Sexsmith — Maybe This Christmas
Coldplay — Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Death Cab For Cutie — Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
The Lilac Time — The Family Coach
Neil Finn — Sweet Secret Peace
Thea Gilmore — Sol Invictus
Dan Wilson — What A Year For A New Year