Which Witch?


Today’s story proves that I don’t make up my stories.

Don’t you hate it when people thrust flyers at you outside the station? When I come out of the tube at King’s Cross I get energy drink samples, magazines, mad stuff about Jesus and requests for cash.

When I come out of the underground station at a small town further along the coast from Barcelona, I get witch doctors.

Badelona, it appears, is the centre for Northern Spain’s witch doctor community, and there are lots of them. Even better, they offer rival services and fight for each other’s pitches. Now I’ve started collecting them and talking to their exponents.

They’re mostly from Nigeria and Uganda and can cure everything. They’ll help you with love and matrimonial problems, diseases of the eye, buying and selling, impotence, protection from enemies, ‘cleaning with maximum efficiency’, negotiations and deportations. All you have to do after consultation is buy ‘Stay Away’ and attraction candles, ointments and potions.

Best of all, they guarantee 100% perfect results in just one week! Professor Madiba is a grand seer, Professor Kaousou is a high magician, Professor Setis is a medium. These dudes can give Maggie Armitage a run for her money.

Unlike the chap in the photo (who is clearly white) the witch doctors are dressed in nice suits, sometimes with the addition of a colourful cap. They don’t have a very salubrious track record, however. Drug traffickers are known to hire witch doctors, who are paid thousands of dollars to provide supernatural protection from law enforcement.

Spain is a surprisingly open and accepting country, so I’m always amazed to see the doctors working their patches alongside lottery ticket sellers and restaurant greeters.

8 comments on “Which Witch?”

  1. Peter Dixon says:

    We’ve got them too – they’re called politicians

  2. Brooke says:

    ” …don’t have a salubrious track record…?? They’ve done well by the drug traffickers. I bet these guys run information gathering networks that easily surpass cambridge analytica/scl/emerdata.

  3. Denise says:

    Does the supernatural protection against law enforcement work ?

  4. Ian Luck says:

    It’s the ‘Policeus Buggerofficus’ spell, if memory serves. Doesn’t work.

  5. Helen Martin says:

    Peter Dixon is bang on!

  6. Wayne Mook says:

    In Manchester I picked some of these up, you find them less and less as phone boxes are not used, in fact the boxes are usually impossible to use as they are usually jammed to stop the money from coming out, so then some enterprising thief can pocket the coins. Sadly they are rarely fixed.

    It’s getting harder to find flyers left in public places & bars these days for anything from gigs to other services. Last time I saw any of these was in a rundown pub over 5 years ago. I’ll have to keep a weather eye out for them.


  7. Ian Luck says:

    On a car journey a few weeks ago, I saw a phonebox (a proper red one) about eight miles from home, that was being used by a village as a book repository/library. When I get time, I’m going to cycle out to it, and leave some books.

  8. Helen Martin says:

    Ian, a little local library! and free! Perfect use. Somehow a number of Patterson the most popular writer in the entire world’s books have ended up in our house and I am thinking of building a little local Paterson library and siting it in the shade of our gigantic rose bush.

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