My Halloween Brexit Launch Day Hell
Monty Python understood a key national trait. The British don’t hate. We dislike, we are annoyed, or we Don’t Care Terribly Much For This Sort Of Thing. We rather like silly. But thanks to a set of algorithms that placed a tiny number of confused questionnaire-answerers into the grasping hands of an even tinier number of power-hungry toffs, we have ended up with the first universally detested Prime Minister of the new century, our very own Clown Prince of Mirth, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, fantasist and racist, with the disapproval rating that places him beside Idi Amin as a fine leadership choice.
And unfortunately, my new Bryant & May book is launching on the very day of his coven’s master-stroke, Brexit Day, October 31st. So now it looks like the title ‘England’s Finest’ is endorsing this witless farrago. October 31st is, of course, the time when our worst nightmares come true.
On October 31st I lose my European Health Insurance Card, the card I always carry in my pocket that guarantees me free treatment in any EU hospital, and free movement will be prohibited by the deeply immoral Home Secretary Priti Patel, the pro-tobacco/alcohol lobbyist and anti-immigrationist.
I live in hope because the greatest feature of Great Britain is the extraordinary niceness of people. And I’m struck by the determination of Londoners to approach Brexit in a good-natured fashion. Flying over the countryside today in early morning sunshine, what a graceful and peaceful country it appears to be.
‘England’s Finest’ is set, like all Bryant & May books, in the London of my mind that I’m sure exists in many of our heads. These are the cases that were hushed up and hidden away until now. Arthur Bryant remembers them as if they were yesterday. Unfortunately, he doesn’t remember yesterday, so the newly revealed facts will come as a surprise to everyone, including his exasperated partner John May.
There are twelve bizarre crimes to be solved without the help of modern technology, mainly because neither of the detectives really knows how to use it. Expect misunderstood clues, lost evidence, arguments about Dickens, churches, pubs and disorderly conduct from the investigative officers they laughingly call ‘England’s Finest’! I figure we’re all going to need cheering up on that day.