Further Up The Stream Of Unconsciousness

Reading & Writing

A far cry from the world of Wodehouse, perhaps, but written in the same spirit, are Maggie Armitage’s weekly text messages to me. Here are a few from this week. Be thankful you’re getting the short versions. I like to think of her writing in the same vein as EM Delafield’s ‘Diary of a Provincial Lady’ – ‘Diary of an Urban Lady’, perhaps.

Hello luv I am back from fire alert at UCH (University College Hospital) which took 35min the queue was nearly a hundred. Four firemen turned up straight in their phones (missing word here? Who knows?) the new system is not up and ready. Saw attractive Dr M very gorgeous. Finally got results of my scan it looked like Jackson pollock artwork. I often feel like crap when I have had the radioactive dye, once bursting a vein, I actually exploded.

Had surprisingly non-alcoholic lunch with the sisters recovering from hangover. P just oozes wealth and diamonds. Went to Cafe Monaco which was lovely I had a delicious crab risotto and a deeply satisfying cream brûlée. I am looking after Nero the french bulldog again defo not very bright, has chewed my kitchen table and rampaged through my bluebells. Taking Nero out for nearly two hours was very stressful as he is always going after people who are about to eat a sandwich. I have done fish cats dogs children frogs never snakes as they do not have any empathy.

I had truly lovely night seeing this amazing African band with the best drummer ever. African music can make you drift off. Really warm quite sensual singer played what looked like a gigantic pumpkin with little strings. I am being my usual torpid self, reading  my favourite, Coopers Book of Amazing Inventions. I am tempted yet again by Coopers Mattress Stain and Easer of Allergies Cleaner which is non toxic. Sadly I can’t really justify the Only £9.99! in case it doesn’t work haha. Stains do appeal to my northern forensic mind especially blood faeces  tea and coffee.

Tungi has finished the painting of the house hurray and it looks really clean. Lots of passing people have told me they like it. I got him to decorate the stone flowers round the tops of my windows only to discover after forty years that the right side did not have any bunches of leaves. Tungi thinks they got war damage. I found a lovely purple-pink as I think the house looked a bit formal and so far it has had three men and two women comment on the colour. I asked one man if he would like a picture as he was really staring at the house. He was about to make a rude comment but he just said well it is certainly different which means I think it looks shit. I have bluebells coming up and have kissed a few also some plants coming up in window boxes but not sure what they are could be young potatoes.

Due to trying to change fuel suppliers I completely forgot to go see my Dr at the National (presumably hospital, not theatre) who I have been waiting to see for months, as if there is any part of my DNA  which is not folding up its wings and keeling with exhaustion. I am disappointed in myself so I cleared out my sock drawer and wondered if putting a suspender belt on my charity wall was too risqué for this street. I will have to find a woman who still tantalises her partner wish I could find one to do it but have no stockings to put on said belt.

Gail asked if she could come and stay in Tuesday as she had a modelling job for Barrett housing, new astonishingly expensive flats near Tower Bridge. Usual shots of couple in in house gym tinkly mood music & quite fit older male model. Gail in various gym clothes talking to corporate-looking couples at some dire cocktail party and the flats look like a Lego ad but obs it is a millionaire’s pad & horrible.

I am reading The times this evening, big article on ER James author of 50 Shades of Silliness, I did not like it. I once went out with a man who put me in a cupboard as his friend had come to the flat. Oh those were the days. Sadly that won’t be happening tomorrow when I am having a gas and electric check. I will however have to take man down into cellar. Love you Mags xxx

7 comments on “Further Up The Stream Of Unconsciousness”

  1. Jo W says:

    Maggie is just priceless ! I wonder if that man is still in her cellar.

    Coopers Book of Amazing Inventions sounds like it should appear on Arthur’s bookshelves.

  2. Ian Luck says:

    I love Maggie’s missives to you – truly, all human life is here. I sincerely hope though that it is her home that is having a gas and electric check, and not Maggie. However, having read previous posts from her, nothing would surprise me. I think she’s awesome.

  3. Helen Martin says:

    I understand that bluebells are a protected species in Ireland and possibly Scotland. If also in England someone should speak firmly Nero. Just because he’s french doesn’t give him the right to rampage over the icon of an English spring. Our slightly different ones are in full bloom. No chance of them becoming endangered, they’re all over the place.
    People seem to feel they have the right to comment on one’s choice of house colour. I can just imagine that man staring at Maggie’s house. If he doesn’t like it then walk along and don’t look. My house is dark green with cream trim and a line of orange on the pane dividers (muttins?). Some neighbours call it the pumpkin house.
    I hope Maggie’s DNA spreads its wings and flies her squarely into good health.

  4. Brooke says:

    So chic, so perceptive.

  5. Peter Tromans says:

    I’ve always liked bluebells, something from childhood. We planted some in our garden last year and they are now in bloom. They weren’t easy to find, which seems odd. You might imagine ‘they’ would be anxious to supply a protected species to those who want to plant them.

  6. Wayne Mook says:

    Cooper’s is quite odd, when inventors are let loose this sort of thig does happen.

    Hope Maggie’s health improves.


  7. Wayne Mook says:

    thig = thing. oops.


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