Stream Of Unconsciousness


Saudi Arabia is going online with an unlicensed nuclear reactor created from private business documents in the US. Labour and Tory are uniting to destroy both their parties. Things getting a bit too crazy for you out there? You don’t know crazy. We haven’t had an update from Maggie Armitage lately, so here’s a batch of the latest Stream of Unconsciousness texts I received from her over last week.

Stayed at (X)s flat last weekend. a slither of a bed and very thin walls. it takes a good few nights of sanitary towel mattresses to get over the bad sleeps. immersed in one of your books this time it is Ruth rendell’s a new lease of death. I have to put it down it is frightening me so much detail so many aful charactors . what plotting! it is lovely like a lovely meal I  must go to sleep. I have been very morose today am very combobulated about this awfulness that is upon us. Poppy worked in the hospitality restaurant at the Emirates for wealthy football watchers. I watched a tragic doc about the west murderers. read your book about serial killers really entrancing for me. ambers engagement ring quite lovely. I find Margate borderline distasteful  in large parts. I went with them to look at houses to buy. saw two separate bungalows that smelled of urine and death lots of grab rails truly sad and they made me nauseous  and the sadness of their interiors truly aful.

I have just had a piece of cheese. I saw my lovely German dr Holthausen who is drowning with the volume of patients. I am  soo fed up of this genetically invalid body and obs feel very disheartened. I am loosing myself in yet another Ruth rendell book I have gulped up three but I am trying with this one not to skim. I am doing lots of distraction therapy. a golden day today I kissed the one yellow rose that has come out. tungi has finished the side wall and due to my employing him my snooty neighbour has given him the job of re painting the front of their house. I know that having an aging Rasta who has obs at his age got trouble with his lallies is not everyone’s cup of builders but I have been close friends with his family for forty years and I am well aware he is messy. I like his company and he just does two hour stints. I just read and read. I am as usual captivated by Ruth. how u wish I could write like you. you make me instantly in the atmosphere  and like Ruth I learn so much about the world.  I wish I had a lovely husband like you. I have taken two dyhracodene. (Y) rang me upset he has had an aful time at work due to spillage due to not being a mechanic. I have prayed to JC.  Back to inspector wrexford.

Actually tungi is alright he is a professional plumber  and put my washbasin in and mended by blocked u bend. I am reading Joanne Harris’s new book and I am liking it. I want to go to church. I got the bitumen and more filler. the customers that go into the hardware shop in Blackstock Road are sometimes quite scary also they sell drugs I have seen these men ask for little packets  I think it’s called chat or something like that. Amber told me they may buy a house in ramsgate. thank you my angel man mx


20 comments on “Stream Of Unconsciousness”

  1. chazza says:

    Tell them to try Hastings. Still affordable, 2 rail lines to London – Victoria and Charing Cross. Full of eccentrics, occultists and “ordinary” people, although hipsters are on the rise, unfortunately, and its own microclimate. If Queen Victoria, Aleister Crowley and Rollo Achmed liked it, it can’t be all bad. Plus fantastic fishmongers and chips!

  2. Brooke says:

    Sooooo admire Ms. Armitage’s style and taste in apparel and literature, if not her choice of potential spouses or Joanne Harris. Is she wearing the fabulous Dali brooch in the second photo? Much as I enjoy her musings and writing (i.e. from prayer to Wexford), I still think you’re a bit of a cad for publishing a lady’s correspondence.

  3. Brooke says:

    P.s. just finished Carys Davies short stories…what a writer!

  4. snowy says:

    I can’t decide if detailing on a blog exactly where one might obtain a Class C drug is merely legally problematic or serves as a service to the community?

    [But given that in large cities much ‘better’ drugs are available at no greater effort than ordering a revolting – cheese-on-toast-with-assorted-bin-scrapings – approximation of a pizza. The risk of being summoned before the beak is rather low.]

  5. admin says:

    It wasn’t terribly specific, Snowy. The Blackstock is a long road although you might chance your arm anywhere along there for the price of a baklava.
    Brooke, trust me, any woman who spent the sixties in a bunny outfit has long ago shed their impulse control. Besides, I told her about this knowing that she can’t operate the Interwebs-Thingie.

  6. Ian Luck says:

    Lovely to see the use of the Polari term ‘Lallies’, meaning Legs. My late father would, quite unconsciously drop bits of other languages into his speech – listening to him in conversation with a friend on the phone was an education. English, Army and Navy slang, Cockney rhyming slang, bits of Welsh, Yiddish, and the odd bit of Polari in the mix. I asked him about the Polari, and he said that he had no idea. My money’s on Julian and Sandy. If they mean nothing to you, look up the old, but still very, very funny, BBC Radio show ‘Round The Horne’.

  7. Helen Martin says:

    “I’m Julian and this is my friend Sandy.” But you have to say it just the right way with the “a” really flattened. Oh, memories.

  8. Roger says:

    Round the Horne worked so well because of the presence of the straight-faced and apparently strait-laced Kenneth Horne in the middle of all these maniacs. I was too young and naif to know just how Julian and Sandy were odd, but it was obvious even to a small child that they were odd and in some way subversive.
    I don’t know why Round the Horne was on on Sunday lunchtimes, but it was the ultimate comic aspect – any programme less redolent of the traditional English Sunday would be hard to imagine. Whoever chose to put it on then had a very subtle and impish sense of humour.

  9. Ian Mason says:

    I must point out, for the benefit of the obvious fans here, that “Round the Horne” gets reruns on Radio 4 Extra from time to time, although they are not running a series at present.

  10. Jo W says:

    Chris,thank you for running the further adventures of Maggie’s Thoughts. After a long day’s ‘crawl’ around West London, hers were the words I needed to read to make me believe it wasn’t just me. There is someone else out there wondering what? I mean, what? (When you next see Maggie,say hello from me and ‘im.)

  11. Eliz Amber says:

    Always good to hear from Maggie. Is Tungi for hire?

  12. admin says:

    I believe Tungi is available if you want your dado brushing up.

  13. Ian Luck says:

    ‘Round The Horne’ was obviously made by peoole who knew that they could sneak excessive bits of subversive humour and rudeness past the ‘Suits Upstairs’ at the BBC, who were living, to all intents and purposes, thirty years in the past, and of the same state of cultural awareness as the Judge in a trial who enquired: “What is a Beatle?”. So, you get Kenneth Williams as the folk singer ‘Rambling Sid Rumpo’, singing songs full of nonsensical, but rude sounding words (a favourite being ‘Nadgers’ I seem to recall), and being accompanied, on several occasions, by a musician called ‘Ron Pubes’. The old farts upstairs passing it fit for broadcast as they simply didn’t understand a word. Same story for The Goons, and Monty Python, whose members said to someone in The BBC: “We’ve got an idea for a show.” Explained the basic idea, – no proper jokes, or punchlines, skits that bled into one another, or ended abruptly, to start up later on, giving the exec a headache, or possibly because the BBC executive wanted them to go so he could have G&T in the bar, said: “Thirteen half hours suit you?” Simple as that.

  14. Helen Martin says:

    Loved Rambling Sid – he just nattered on with these weird little semi songs inserted randomly.

  15. Helen Martin says:

    The Lonely Hour (no spoilers)
    Just got to Arthur quoting the Julian/Sandy line. Ha!
    Did a modellers workshop on making deciduous trees that definitely do not all look alike but thanks for the train modellers reference.
    Chapter headings are all single words this time.
    Doing a lot of laughing this time. Glad the Daves are still around.

  16. Ian Luck says:

    Helen – I was wondering if it is only in the UK where everybody knows at least one ‘Dave’, or is it the same for other English speaking countries? We have a cable TV station called Dave here, and so called as ‘Everyone knows a Dave’. There is a comedy show called ‘Plebs’, which is set in Roman times, and features a blokey sort of character called ‘Davius’. My cat is called Dave, too. That’s my brother’s idea. He’s fed up with alliterative pet names.

  17. Helen Martin says:

    The only Dave I know is English (!) My brother’s middle name was David but no, not a common name here at all. Not rare, but not common either. Thank you, Ian, always glad of insight into the English mind.

  18. snowy says:

    It is possible to track the popularity of names through the Office of National Statistics for those inclined to such things, [ahem.] There are pretty graphs for boys names and girls names, rather disappointingly they are neither pink nor blue, but that might have been a wish too far.

    David was very much and also-ran as a choice of name up until the start of the First World War at which it increases in popularity. It might have received at that point a boost from a certain Prime Minister, [the one with the sexual morals of a goat, it is alleged by modern historians.] The steady climb continues throughout the 1930s, possibly the result of the arrival of Cinema and certain leading men, [a particular actor frequently cast as a suave English gentleman might be chiefly responsible, well he was quite dishy.] It remained popular up until about 1985, when it enters a slow decline probably just a victim of fashion, [unless anybody else happens to have a theory?] It seems to hit its absolute nadir just at the point that another Prime Minister bearing the name comes to office, [the one that liked putting his thingy into dead pigs]. A stain from which it has yet to recover.

    [Those starved for graph-y goodness or the mildly curious about their own name can access the UK statistics by clicking the name above – seeking out the info using a search engine can be a bit haphazard. Similar sites exist in other countries.]

  19. Helen Martin says:

    I checked my aunts as well as my own and discovered that all three of my Mother’s generation had top popular names, Florence, Mabel, and Elsie, but all three of those names disappeared for a generation and are just coming back now. Are these girls being named for grand- or great-grandmothers? Would the popularity of genealogy have something to do with it?
    That was fascinating. Oh, and I do know (of) another Dave – Dave Kellet, my favourite on-line cartoonist.

  20. Helen Martin says:

    And a man I meet once a week but had forgotten. Perhaps we are more Dave friendly than I thought.

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