Another Part of Britain Plans To Split

Great Britain

They could be anywhere this winter, these fifth columnists. You have to remember that they look like us, all warm and liberal in their patterned ‘hygge’ woollen gloves and trendy sneakers, until you find out that they voted Brexit. Or worse. At a dinner party the other night we were told of friends whose children will no longer associate with another family friend (he’s an author) because it turns out he voted UKIP.

The whole point of being a liberal is to be able to cut off anyone who doesn’t agree with you, a lesson learned when you look at the demographic makeup of your Twitter followers. But the Brexit vote didn’t just split families, it’s splitting the country. Now the financial powerhouse that drives the UK may cut ties and go it alone. No, not London (we already did that some years ago, apparently). I mean the Orkney islands.

Councillors on the islands, which are part of the UK, have passed a motion calling for a report into whether it could exercise self-determination if faced with further constitutional changes. They overwhelmingly backed Remain – understandably, as the UK government’s map doesn’t even go up that far – so they’re ready to go it alone.

This could have a phenomenal knock-on effect on the Lucky Heather industry. Sales of fence posts, peat and stray bits of wool could go haywire.

Craggie Island

Above we see Orkney High Street on a busy Saturday morning. Orkney could stop broadcasting the six o’clock news and replace it with reruns of ‘Father Ted’, but it has much to offer the world. It is, for example, one of the leading places you can visit to find out if you have tinnitus. It is the perfect placer to get use from the torch app on your phone, and an ideal holiday centre for those who find Wales too nerve-jangling.

In the coming months we’ll see much more of this. The Isle of Wight is prepared to leave. No longer will the old schoolboy joke be appropriate*. The Isle of Wight plans to take its wares (1950s wallpaper, teenage chlamydia, rockeries) to the world market.

But perhaps the full implications of Brexit haven’t sunk in. Like the Exeter councillor who promised that despite his town voting virulently to leave the EU he would ask Europe if they could keep their subsidies. This is just the start. Eventually Sheppey, Foulness and the Isle of Dogs could all go. And what would we do then?


*What steams and comes out of cow(e)s?’

‘The Isle of Wight ferry.’

6 comments on “Another Part of Britain Plans To Split”

  1. Wayne #1 says:

    I wish the High Street pictured above was that quite when I visited. You couldn’t really enjoy the place as Bus loads of Cruise tourists arrived while we were there. Shattering the loveliness of it.

    The income from tourists would be enough to keep them in the style of which they have become a custom. So why not go it alone? good luck to them.

  2. Brooke says:

    Laugh as you may… I was talking to a merchant banker (yes, I do speak to them) who is drooling over Scotland’s potential for independence and entry into the EU. Silicon Glen is a pied a terre for the big digital firms and if it is part of the EU, investment will flow in. One focus of Silicon Glen is sustainable energy and environmental protection–so the Orkney Islands will not only have a thriving national economy to subsidize them– they may well have innovative ways to preserve their Neolithic sites. You go,little Orkneys.

  3. David Skinner says:

    Now, now, Mr. F. Orkney is one of my very favourite bits of the world! Brilliant as long as you don’t mind the utter lack of trees and the… ahem… changeable weather.

  4. Vivienne says:

    Foulness will stay and Canvey Island. When I was round that way pre-vote I envisaged an Essexit if the vote went remain as the posters everywhere were 100% Leave.

  5. admin says:

    I always love asking Leavers about their reasoning. It’s very rare that you hear a single articulated, tangible, cogent argument (except on this site, obviously!) for doing away with subsidies that provide infrastructure to impoverished towns.

  6. Ness says:

    I think Jersey needs to take a long hard look at itself. It already has its own currency, paints the classic British red telephone box bright yellow and a certain hotel I may have stayed at has a dress code for breakfast. What the breakfast ‘chef’s’ did to a full English defies description – but let’s just say continental is the safer option.

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