Something Really Horrible For Christmas



I once wrote a Christmas single. It didn’t chart, thank God – I can only say that I was 23 and stupid – but I do still own a copy (45 rpm vinyl) to remind me how horrible music gets at Christmas. This year Enrique Iglesias’s ‘Bailando’ (a worldwide mega-smash) barely managed to reach 75th place in the UK charts after not being promoted ‘because it’s in Spanish’, but ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’ is in the Top Twenty.

However, it would be hard to find anything worse than these two, one by the Jingle-Cats (and dogs) doing carols – there’s a whole album if you want more!! – and the other by the beloved, oft-mentioned-here Portsmouth Sinfonia, trying their best, which frankly isn’t good enough. Just when you thought their two albums of awful classical music was enough, here’s a medley, or a muddle, from them, a sort of ‘Hooked On Horrors’…


mooning santa

5 comments on “Something Really Horrible For Christmas”

  1. andrea says:

    Oh my! I’ve heard better elementary school concerts!

  2. Jo W says:

    Thanks a bunch,Admin. The ‘bottom’ picture says it all.😱

  3. John says:

    I’d not heard of the Portsmouth Sinfonia so I went cavorting through the internet reading up on them to learn more. If you are a diligent enough you’ll uncover their history and discover how, where, and why it was formed in the first place. To me it sounds like a brave experiment. It was all about musical expression and interpretation and exploring the idea of learning itself. A really fascinating idea not just for an artistic mind but anyone who wants to discover the true nature of learning. They knew they weren’t going to be good, but they tried their damndest using all sorts of external cues in addition to trying to read music and mastering their instrument. I remember when I was learning the piano as a kid I spent more time listening to the melody and trying my best to duplicate it as it was supposed to sound then I did actually understanding the concepts of a time signature, musical phrasing and counting rests along with each particular note. That the Sinfonia is admired by professional musicians for all these things and more justifies their long lasting fame…or to some, I guess, infamy.

  4. Helen Martin says:

    If you knowthe background, John, you can appreciate what is going on, but if the recording is just presented as a recording then you can’t help but have aural pain. The cats seem to have an accent which makes their performance a bit difficult to understand.

  5. Fiona says:

    Most years I try to put together a CD of lesser known Christmas songs. So, here’s what I put together for this year. If Admin wants a copy I’m happy to stick one in the post!

    Fountains of Wayne – I Want An Alien For Christmas
    Guster – DΓ³nde EstΓ‘ Santa Claus?
    Jet – Back Door Santa
    Bryan Adams – Run Rudolph Run
    Bob Dylan – It Must Be Santa
    Gabriella Cilmi – Warm This Winter
    KT Tunstall – Mele Kalikimaka (Christmas in Hawaii)
    Ceelo Green (feat. Rod Stewart) – Merry Christmas, Baby
    Bob Seger – Sock It To Me Santa
    Jack Johnson – Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
    Barenaked Ladies – Green Christmas
    The Killers – Don’t Shoot Me Santa
    The Raveonettes – The Christmas Song
    Thea Gilmore – That’ll Be Christmas
    Rufus Wainwright – Spotlight On Christmas
    Sufjan Stevens – That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!
    Sixpence None The Richer – It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
    Badly Drawn Boy – Donna & Blitzen
    Ron Sexsmith – Maybe This Christmas
    Coldplay – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
    Death Cab For Cutie – Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
    The Lilac Time – The Family Coach
    Neil Finn – Sweet Secret Peace
    Thea Gilmore – Sol Invictus
    Dan Wilson – What A Year For A New Year

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