Couldn’t They Retire The Oscars Now?
It’s starting to feel like Miss World or the Eurovision Song Contest, ie. of no consequence to anyone but the organisers. It has little or no effect on box office and always rewards the wrong films. This year we had ‘Argo’, a pleasant little film which would once have graced half of a double bill. Presumably, Hollywood loved the idea that it might be relevant to world events. ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ was a whiny Gentile Woody Allen film with a lead character who could have been nominated as ‘Least Likeable Performer’. ‘Life of Pi’ was very pretty, like ‘What Dreams May Come’ with a CGI tiger that decisively proved we won’t need real animals in the future. ‘Lincoln’ consisted of ‘Star Wars 4’s council scenes in period dress, in a ‘Well Done Us For Repealing Slavery’ backslapping mode, although it did drive me back to the history books to learn about the birth of the Republican party (which explained a lot, by the way).
Costumes and Hair and Makeup always go to outlandish period films because the academy don’t notice anything subtle, and Something Big always gets ignored, in this case the Emperor’s New Clothes that was ‘The Master’.
‘The Hobbit’ and ‘Skyfall’, the two most purely pleasurable mainstream movies of the year, were notable mainly by their absence, as was the more controversial ‘Zero Dark Thirty’. That’s it for another year. Next year expect the awards to go to a film about a talking duck on Mars, Hollywood’s involvement in the sub-prime mortgage scandal and a Tourette’s sufferer who falls in love with a deaf girl.
So let’s have Huffpo’s Hollywood mash-up of How Women Dance When There Aren’t Any Men Around instead.