Monthly Archives: December 2011

Thinking Out Of The Box Office

I used to know a very nice lady who headed up Warner Bros UK. When she retired I asked her how she felt, and she replied; ‘For the first eighteen months I checked the previous day’s box office first thing every morning. Then one day I stopped, and it was as if a great weight […]

Best In Show

I’m voting on British Academy films at the moment and just received this letter, which made me laugh… Dear BAFTA Member, We have received a number of enquiries regarding the eligibility of Uggie, the Jack Russell, in the role of ‘DOG’ for Actor in a Supporting Role in “The Artist”. Regretfully, we must advise that […]

The Tropical Bathroom I’d Like

Yes, I’m back, just in time to find that my Broadband has collapsed and will take an age to fix, so now I’m having write in my local cafe, but before we leave the tropics behind take a look at this. I’ve always thought that then further West you go in the world, the worse […]

We Have Beautiful Sea Pairs Forever

Well, that was fun. On the last day of our trip, a rustle in the undergrowth revealed this monitor lizard, about three feet long, foraging beneath our decking. Later we took a longboat to the Yao Noi islands and saw the memorial on Ko Hong to those lost in the 2004 tsunami, before picking up […]

Exotic Reading

When I travel I tend to read books with a more international flavour – it’s hard to immerse yourself in a thriller set in rainswept Berlin when you’re in 35 degrees of steam-heat. This trip I read ‘Congo Journey’ by Redmond O’Hanlon, who is the Gerald Durrell of the maggots-and-malaria school of travel. This, his […]

Full Moon High

I’d never seen a lunar eclipse before. In London you’re lucky you can see the tops of buildings half the time. In South-East Asia it was a clear starry night, so I was able to watch the whole thing. The surprising part was the total eclipse effect – not one of darkness, leaving a negative […]

They Sing! They Dance! They Prepare Sauces!

Tonight I’m in Koh Yao Noi tangled up inside an elaborate mosquito net watching a bizarre hybrid TV series while a storm rages outside. Someone over in Singapore obviously thought this was a good idea; let’s take the prickly German rom-com ‘Mostly Martha’ and mix it with ‘Glee’ to come up with ‘The Kitchen Musical’, […]

Travelled Paths

I’m on my last stop, staying in a Six Senses hotel, which is eco-friendly and comprises elegant bamboo houses built into a jungly hillside – although I stepped out of my zero-emission vehicle and stood on a frog, which wasn’t a very eco-friendly start. Touring around by tuk-tuk, the view was more like this… Well, […]

The Reality of Fantasy Islands

This morning I was in a reeking mangrove swamp looking up into a ‘Blind My Eye’ tree that drips poison sap, thinking about how vacations are sold on fantasies. A couple of years back I tried to sell a travel piece to the Sunday Times and was told ‘it isn’t what our readers want to […]

Heroine of the Week

What a creep Michelina Lewandowska’s husband must be. Noticing at his gym that there were prettier women, he decided he was bored with his wife, so he changed his Facebook status to ‘single’ and developed a plan to kill her. He and a mate zapped her with a 300,000 volt Taser stun gun, bound and […]