It’s All Getting A Bit Modern


This morning my moisturiser emailed me. It’s very well, thank you, and would like to be remembered as a New Year’s Gift, whatever that is. My hair product is on Facebook and leaves me little messages. My trousers haven’t started tweeting, but it’s only a matter of time.

New year, new tech. Yesterday I watched a 3D Blu-Ray movie at home by turning it on from my phone, which now doubles as a remote/ programming device. It’s wirelessly connected to my laptop, so I can play music through my home’s sound system by accessing it from my mobile via my computer’s iTunes account. Confused yet? I am. The only part of this process (which took a day to set up online) that proved disappointing was the actual film itself, which was boring rubbish (‘Tron’, if you must know). But the formats were great.

Oh, and did I mention I can listen to over a thousand internet radio stations through my TV by searching on an iPad or phone? Everybody’s talking, but is anybody listening? There are a few podcasts I love, most notably RadioLab, a superb internet show, and CNET’s Molly Wood and Brian Tong, both of whom make UK presenters look archaic. It’s just that I thought the future would be about improving the world, then reaching out to the stars, not turning inward to noodling self-interest.

A few years ago parents complained about being pressured into buying Big Macs for their kids via unscrupulous TV advertising. Now, the new format treadmill requires them to purchase swathes of technology for children. I’m amazed nobody has suggested solving the crisis in care homes by giving senior citizens simplified iPads. I must go, my shampoo is calling.

6 comments on “It’s All Getting A Bit Modern”

  1. Jon says:

    I’ve seen the future and it’s all about following Pizza Express on twitter in the hope of being DM’d a 2 for 1 voucher.

  2. Alan Morgan says:

    This is what happens when you mix laudanum and the stage production of Beauty And The Beast.

  3. Dan Terrell says:

    It’s all becoming a bit too integrated, isn’t it. I have a mental picture of all my electronic toys toppling into each other like dominos or being led off by an electronic Pied Piper. Does one of your readers live out near Sherwood Forrest? Perhaps, he/she could go and see if General Ludd is still in there. (Not Robin Hood, please. We already have enough of stealing electronics from the rich to sell to poor.)

  4. J F Norris says:

    Hysterical and frightening all at once. Another reason I am glad I have NOTHING to do with Facebook. When “friend” became a verb I knew we were all doomed.

  5. Gretta says:

    Isn’t there also some type of shoe which will post online how much you’ve walked during the day, or somesuch? And I thought it was bad enough all these sites appearing on ver net saying things like ‘log in using your Facebook/Google account’.

    I feel comforted by the fact that my phone will never be able to do those sorts of things, since it’s a Nokia 1100, I’ve had it for about 8-9 years, and it doesn’t even have a colour screen, never mind access to the interwebs or my television. All this insidious integrated malarkey puts me in mind of that scene in The Young Ones where the laundromat gangs up on the lads, and neil panics about ‘technofear’. Which is to say, that I’m with neil.

  6. Helen Martin says:

    I am firm about being dragged kicking and screaming toward any new device. I am on Facebook thanks to my son but the only friends I have there are people I know in the real world, apparently my phone will take pictures although I don’t know how and the texting part is not and never will be enabled and until two weeks ago I was still using a Pentax 1300 camera with FILM. My local processor now sends film to Calgary and the return time is two weeks (although I haven’t heard about my order yet)so I am actually thinking about digital. A conversation took place over my head at Christmas and the males in my family have apparently decided which digital device I am going to get. We’ll see how that works out. Reading Chris’ post above just gave me the absolute cold shudders.

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