lockdown diaries

The Lockdown Diaries 15: Baked Beans At Dawn

So there was that. Yuk. Do me a favour, don’t get any kind of cancer, especially this one, it’s really horrible. I’m here, though, now managing the healing process. I just had my first FEB (Full English Breakfast) in three months (right, minus sausage).  I’ve broken the law every day since Lockdown began on March […]

The Lockdown Diaries 14: The Rock & The Hard Place

When you go to hospital you fantasise that it will look like this. A cross between ‘2001’ and ‘Gattacca’. This was the view in my hospital at 9:00am today. A cross between an Alan Bennett play and Cormac McCarthy’s ‘The Road’. It has no external windows (because of radiation). The suites have the unlikely names […]

The Lockdown Diaries 12: The Absence Of An Umbrella

Doctors and nurses have no time to mess about; you listen carefully, you obey and if complications ensue it’s probably because you haven’t followed their instructions properly. I found myself in this situation after discovering I had been given 10 ampoules of salt water and some rubber grommets I didn’t know what to do with. […]

The Lockdown Diaries 2

Excerpted from ‘Paperboy: A Memoir’ ‘My formative years were filled with orderly lassitude, like those of a soldier posted to a peaceful backwater. They were days of strawberry jam on white bread, the squeak of chalk in hushed classrooms, Hancock’s Half-Hour, cold mutton on Mondays, back-fence arguments, kicking about in the garden and walking alone […]