All Lombard Street To A China Orange

It means unfeasibly short odds, ie the wealth of London’s Lombard St (banks) against a cheap orange (ie from China). And it’s from a wonderful new London book (there are half a dozen great new London books out at the moment). Such is my murderous desire to get my mitts on such books that, rather […]

Schoolboy Fantasies

‘Paperboy’, the hardback, has now sold out. The good news is that the paperback is only a few weeks away. The bad news is that it won’t have the end-papers of my notebooks in. One of the things I mentioned in the book is that I got to fulfil some pathetic schoolboy fantasies – writing […]

The (Mean) Spirit Of Christmas

I should have known that when I sent out an eCard (jolly, festive, courtesy of the folks at Elf Yourself) to get around the post problems I’ve been having, people would start sending me ones back. Well, this serves me right. Theperfectgift!

Baddest Santa Ever

The final part of this Bad Santa Christmas gift roundup reaches its nadir. Perfect gifts for anyone who believes that consumerism will find its natural level. Supersize a loved one with a MacDonalds Junkfood Voucher. I love the way this is stamped ‘Sample’ in case I tried to use it. Collect models? Then you’ll want […]

Stewart Lee Live & Awesome

If You’d Prefer A Milder Comedian Please Ask For One is the title of Stewart Lee’s new show. Regular readers know I’m a huge fan of the stand-up, director and novelist, who remains the UK’s smartest comic. His humour is bone-dry and can be an acquired taste, but having just seen him live at the […]

Sometimes You Just Want to Stop Writing & Dance

Look, I know this is a pretty unusual blog for a writer – there’s a certain amount of literary chat, but my passions are for anything legal that gets your heart pumping. Some while back I posted a clip called ‘Time To Dance’, from Richard Thomas and Stewart Lee’s ‘Jerry Springer – The Opera’. That […]

Christmas Movies 4: Lost Innocence

As anyone who has read my memoir ‘Paperboy’ knows, I had an unhealthy obsession with this film at the age of ten. The audio clip ‘Terry-Thomas & Milton Berle’ sums up the once prevailing UK attitude to the US, as Thomas gives Berle a piece of his mind before getting thumped, and the fan trailer […]

Roll End Credits

I’m not a big Lenny Kravitz fan but who could deny the sheer charm of his video for ‘Let Love Rule’? It’s a simple idea that made me laugh, and sometimes that’s all you want.

Even Badder Santa

Just when you thought there couldn’t be worse presents than the ‘Invisible German’ walking lederhosen (somewhere below), I found these, all being offered as genuine Christmas presents on websites. The Regan Staircrawler model from a deleted scene in ‘The Exorcist’. How about the Anal Bleaching Kit for a favourite uncle? Or you could help granny […]

Preaching To The Converted

Last year I saw a play in which political prisoners’ testimonies were performed on stage. It was a very good piece, but unfortunately the audience was already there – a politically sophisticated mix of adults who knew all about the subject before they came into the theatre. Now we have the same problem with climate […]