The Arts

Chasing Sheep

I always write with music playing. Today I’m hard at work on the new Bryant & May mystery when I’d rather be out in the sunshine, so I need some Michael Nyman to keep me going. I’ve seen Mr Nyman perform this piece many times live, and sometimes it gets to such a speed that […]

The Musical Horror Continues….

A friend has tracked down another nightmarish Meat-skewer-through-the-eardrum track from the Portsmouth Sinfonia. Play here

The World’s Worst Video

The World’s Worst Orchestra

When I was young I had an album by the Portsmouth Sinfonia, a full orchestra of very earnest students, some of whom could play to concert standard, others who couldn’t play at all. They held a now legendary concert that upset classical music buffs across the nation, but I’d forgotten how wonderfully abysmal they sounded […]

The Freakier Films No.2

Despite recent attempts by Hollywood to make Dr Seuss films, no-one has ever bettered this, the only film Dr Seuss himself was involved with (although he had his name removed from it). It’s extremely messed-up, creepy and surreal – just a pity the trailer doesn’t show the rollerskating ginger twins joined together by their beards. […]

The Freakier Films No.1

I haven’t talked here about Creative Partnership, the movie marketing company I co-founded, and probably should do, although it’s kinda hard to know where to begin. Although I’m no longer an active staff member it happily continues in Soho, and I look back on my years there as the best in my life. One of […]

Now That’s What I Call Action!

Interviewers sometimes ask if it’s difficult putting action into the Bryant & May books, because my leading characters are old. I argue that thanks to CGI, every movie can have stupid action scenes, so it’s not missed – but oh, how I’d love some really cheesy chase sequences if they ever film the books…check out […]

Sleepless In London

When I was a kid, one of the first films I ever saw was ‘tom thumb’, which always played on the lower half of a double bill with ‘The Wizard Of Oz’, and I much preferred it to the main feature. For years, I was haunted by the creepy, charming Yawning Man. The film seems […]

St Valentine’s Special!

I think we should celebrate the day of love with something a little French. While poor old Madonna is making videos which involve everything short of firing bikini-clad polar bears out of cannons, her French equivalent shows how to make a sexy pop video with the aid of, well, nothing except more and more of […]

Let’s Have A Song!

It’s been a while since we had a sing-a-long, although I defy anyone to sing along with The Avalanches. Here’s their supremely lo-fi, utterly barking, and scratched-to-the-max vid ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’. The whole album’s like this. You need a lie-down afterwards.