The Arts

The World’s Worst Video

The World’s Worst Orchestra

When I was young I had an album by the Portsmouth Sinfonia, a full orchestra of very earnest students, some of whom could play to concert standard, others who couldn’t play at all. They held a now legendary concert that upset classical music buffs across the nation, but I’d forgotten how wonderfully abysmal they sounded […]

The Freakier Films No.2

Despite recent attempts by Hollywood to make Dr Seuss films, no-one has ever bettered this, the only film Dr Seuss himself was involved with (although he had his name removed from it). It’s extremely messed-up, creepy and surreal – just a pity the trailer doesn’t show the rollerskating ginger twins joined together by their beards. […]

The Freakier Films No.1

I haven’t talked here about Creative Partnership, the movie marketing company I co-founded, and probably should do, although it’s kinda hard to know where to begin. Although I’m no longer an active staff member it happily continues in Soho, and I look back on my years there as the best in my life. One of […]

Now That’s What I Call Action!

Interviewers sometimes ask if it’s difficult putting action into the Bryant & May books, because my leading characters are old. I argue that thanks to CGI, every movie can have stupid action scenes, so it’s not missed – but oh, how I’d love some really cheesy chase sequences if they ever film the books…check out […]

Sleepless In London

When I was a kid, one of the first films I ever saw was ‘tom thumb’, which always played on the lower half of a double bill with ‘The Wizard Of Oz’, and I much preferred it to the main feature. For years, I was haunted by the creepy, charming Yawning Man. The film seems […]

St Valentine’s Special!

I think we should celebrate the day of love with something a little French. While poor old Madonna is making videos which involve everything short of firing bikini-clad polar bears out of cannons, her French equivalent shows how to make a sexy pop video with the aid of, well, nothing except more and more of […]

Let’s Have A Song!

It’s been a while since we had a sing-a-long, although I defy anyone to sing along with The Avalanches. Here’s their supremely lo-fi, utterly barking, and scratched-to-the-max vid ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’. The whole album’s like this. You need a lie-down afterwards.

Under The Hammer

Oh how the mighty have fallen! Hammer horror films formed the basis of my demented childhood (as you will hopefully discover when you hurl yourselves into the shops – or online for our US readers – to purchase my fine memoir ‘Paperboy’). This is the headquarters in which Hammer was housed for so long, in […]


British public information films like ‘How To Make A Cup Of Tea’ (elsewhere on this site), with their strangely hypnotised casts and statements of the bleeding obvious, are a great source of entertainment, but this one, ‘Unwanted Guests’, must have scared the bejabbers out of audiences when projected on a big screen. Listen out also […]