Some Hardbacks For Christmas Part 1

Christopher Fowler
This was the year in which hardbacks really came into their own. Suddenly £18 seemed a reasonable spend on a brand new novel when going out to dinner (remember that?) set us all back an awful lot more. But in these wretched times of political ineptitude, disease, loss and economic betrayals our tastes grow tame. A glance through the window of any large bookstore window reveals the extent of the new bestseller blandness. You know you're in trouble when Agatha Christie knockoffs head the lists while relatable stories set in the present day are virtually nonexistent. So if we're talking about comfort reading with a little added extra, here are a few titles for you this Christmas.

The Madman's Library

This has the best opening line I've read this year: 'I had just turned one when my father first used me as a bidder's paddle at an auction.' That's from 'The Madman's Library', Edward Brooke-Hitching's guide to the weirdest books in the world, including books that poison you, curse you, repulse you or leave you feeling disoriented and vaguely unsettled, experimental in form, subversive in content. From a time before cuneiform to
books which aren't even books, via quite a few deeply disturbing depictions of the undepictable, courtesy of organised religion, this is a riveting dive into the perverse creations of those who need to communicate.
And people do need to find ways of expressing the impossible or unquantifiable, just as scientists spend lifetimes attempting to weigh the universe. So here we have devils and angels, circles of hell, spiritual balm, dire prophecies, catalogues of fauna made from the fauna itself (smells of moss, apparently) and yes, books bound in human skin. And in case you think Mr
Brooke-Hitching hasn't covered everything, there's a Victorian book that converts into a toilet, the first real toilet book I suppose. It's sumptuously illustrated with extraordinary images but for once the text is just as wonderful.


'Howdunit' by the writer and editor Martin Edwards gathers together ninety essays by crime authors past and present, taking readers and writers through every stage of the crime genre, and as such is probably the most entertaining volume of sage advice yet assembled on the subject. Edwards deserves kudos for single-handedly rescuing so many wonderful Golden Age crime novels, even though some of them reveal the gigantic gulf that now exists between those hyper-judgemental times and ours. This is not a how-to manual but a compendium of wise suggestions from experts. All essayists are members of the venerable Detection Club, some members of which have only written a couple of crime novels. I have written well over two dozen award-winning crime novels. I never been invited to join the venerable Detection Club. Doubtless I never will, and it's too late now anyway. One of the club's members is the former editor who turned down my Bryant & May novels. I enjoyed the book immensely.


I don't want to tell you too much about 'Shadowplay' by the excellent Irish writer Joseph O'Connor. He's had some ups and downs since the wonderful 'Star of the Sea' but this is his return to peak form, and the premise alone excites.
Bram Stoker is now the manager of the Lyceum Theatre, 'Dracula' has been published, but his plans set awry by the greatest performer of his day...
This is perfect stamping ground for O'Connor, and plays out like a cross between Beryl Bainbridge and Peter Ackroyd. There's something about the slightly moth-eaten, disreputable elements of theatre that brings out the best in certain writers, and O'Connor is on absolute peak form here.

The Shortest History of England

As noted in the
last article I posted, the class divide in the UK remains more firmly in place than ever. The South traditionally had more money, but did it have something more? Did the country really split into two entirely separate halves at the Watford Gap?
A new book by James Hawes, 'The Shortest History of England' (his follow-up to a similarly revealing German history) provides a soberingly unsentimental answer and a fresh way of understanding this island race. Hawes astonishes because he has successfully boiled down the complex, sprawling history of the (dis)United Kingdom to the division of power, religion and inevitably, class. Where once you faced immolation for being Catholic or Protestant (and some were burned together on the same pyre) you now face the more insidious death of abandonment by the upper classes, who maintain the same death-grip on their entitlement as they ever did. Grubbing opportunists like Jacob Rees-Mogg and Brexit-billionaire Jim Ratcliffe (who just switched his manufacturing to France at the eleventh hour of Brexit talks) routinely betray those around them to feather their nests in the exact same way that the robber-barons of the Enclosure Acts which stole 6.8 million acres of common land from the people. Some will find Mr Hawes's book polemical, but I would argue that it's the fair assessment we've been waiting for. Of course not everyone wants to face the stark facts; that waging war in Europe was expensive but naval war around the globe filled our treasure chests, that by uniting the elite and the peasantry we started the trickle-down economics that led to a multinational society powered by a greedy amalgam of the elite and wealthy. I would argue that the nation is not quite as multi-lingual (English still being the lingua Franca) nor as socially mobile as one would think (you only get so far before the doors gently and quietly close on you), but this is a reminder that we are still a nation of two halves, the Frenchified Norman Southern elite and the blunt Anglo Saxon/Celtic North. Mr Hawes' book is a short, sharp corrective to nationalist nostalgia, with more to unpack in its brief page run than histories three or four times its length. It will change the way you look at England forever. How many books about our history have ever done that?

Let's Do It

The authorised biography of a national treasure, this is a gold-plated Christmas hit for those of us who 'got' comedian/composer Victoria Wood. She has been unfairly treated over the years, written off as telly fodder. I first encountered her at the Institute of Contemporary Arts when she appeared with Julie Walters in the bleakly hilarious play 'Talent', and followed her stage appearances for a number of years. We wrote to each other several times, and I became good friends with her producer. But there was a wary side to Vic, a deep embarrassment about accepting praise. Class reared its ugly head here, in that Alan Bennett, a not dissimilar Northern stylist, had been fêted from his university years onwards, and Wood less so with the academic critics, even though she always struck me as being the distaff Bennett, better equipped to connect in some ways than he ever was, Wood's love of linguistic peculiarity shone through everything, and she always wrote marvellous parts for women. Perhaps she became too seduced by TV, which diminished her talents and boxed her into a misguided 'cosy mum' image. The one real flaw I found in her work is that although she was a brilliant stand-up, when playing a fictional character she could never resist glancing at the camera. She was not a particularly interesting actress and there was always something amateurish about her performances. With guidance she would have written more for the theatre and worried less about TV ratings. Jasper Rees manages a solid assessment of her work here, but for other writers the real joy in her writing lies in her ability to define a Northern idiom and find strange joys in the mundane. Instead of asking, 'May I sit here?' one character says, 'Can I park? Are you bothered?' Another ventures, 'We stayed up for the News At Ten. Three bangles and a polo neck, thank you.'
Her musicality informed her writing so that cadence and metre remained central to dialogue.When you remove the memory of her regular (marvellous) repertory cast and let the writing stand alone it remains darkly brilliant, in keeping with other great Northern writers like Keith Waterhouse or David Nobbs. She died too young and is greatly missed.


Paul C (not verified) Fri, 11/12/2020 - 14:43

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Thanks for the list - will definitely try Shadowplay.

Edward Brooke-Hitching also wrote 'The Phantom Atlas' and 'The Sky Atlas' which are sumptuously illustrated but
let down by texts of purple prose (or perhaps that's just me). Dazzling visuals though.

Recently bought a new hardback 'The Haunting of Alma Fielding' by Kate Summerscale about an English psychic who may or may not have been genuine. Not up to her previous books 'The Suspicions of Mr Whicher' (brilliant) or 'The Wicked Boy' but a fascinating unputdownable read anyway. Very creepy.

Andrea yang (not verified) Fri, 11/12/2020 - 14:51

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

These look like great reads. thanks

Barbara Boucke (not verified) Fri, 11/12/2020 - 16:28

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Thank you for the book list - part 1 - especially "Howdunnit". The mysteries of the 30's and 40's can indeed be very judgemental at times, but I think one is always going to find some element of that in fiction and even non-fiction in this day and age - to borrow an old expression. Also thank you to Arthur Bryant for introducing me to rhubard & custards, pear drops, and sherbet lemons. Merry Christmas!

Christopher Fowler Fri, 11/12/2020 - 16:43

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

The same to you, Barbara, and I hope you discover other peculiar British sets, Fireman's Hose, Flying Saucers, Winter Mixture & Yorkshire Mix!

Barbara Boucke (not verified) Fri, 11/12/2020 - 17:01

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

I realize I misspelled the book title Howdunit - I'm catching up on all the Bryant and May's I didn't get to and am at the Ten Second Staircase where I came across Fireman's Hose (who knew that was another name for red licorice sticks) and Flying Saucers. I found a site with Baxter's Winter Mixture (I think that's the name) but not yet Yorkshire Mix, so thank you for those varieties. Unlike Arthur Bryant I do not keep boiled sweets in my pockets!

Porl C (not verified) Fri, 11/12/2020 - 17:01

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Must get the Victoria Wood one. Re - the look to camera, a great "status / pull focus" trick emplyed to great extent by Charles Hawtrey too!

Gary Hart (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 06:47

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Oh Mr F, now you've started me off salivating. Flying saucers and Winter mixture! Where am I supposed to find an open sweet shop at this time of the morning?

Gary Hart (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 06:51

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Oh and forgot to mention, The Shortest History of England is an absolutely fascinating read. He managed to take what is normally presented as a series of disjointed vignettes and makes the whole extraordinary mess make sense. Definitely not to be underestimated.

Brian Evans (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 09:58

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

On the sweet front, let's hear it for Fishermen's Friends. Topical too, at the moment!

Secondary educ… (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 12:11

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

It must be wonderful to be clever and educated.

Secondary educ… (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 12:12

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Forgeot to say that I love Bryant and may.

Mary Rutherford (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 12:54

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

I used to think of Fisherman's Friends as a contraceptive. Put one of those in your mouth and it will distract you from absolutely everything else.

Cornelia Appleyard (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 13:33

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Does anyone remember Old English Spangles?
I expect Arthur still has some somewhere.
Clove balls are my favourite.

Peter T (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 13:38

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

.. or Blue Bird Toffee?

Cornelia Appleyard (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 14:08

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

I remember Blue Bird toffee, and the little hammer that came with it.

Martin Tolley (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 14:32

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Spangles were OK, but Refreshers much better...

Jo W (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 14:36

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Thought it was Sharps Toffee that came in a tin tray and was broken with a little hammer? I associate Bluebird with liquorice toffees, yummy. ( As mentioned on a Goon Show - "I like liquorice, my Mum says liquorice gives you a good run for your money!")
Oh, did someone mention Pear Drops? My mouth is watering........

Barbara Boucke (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 14:58

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

For what it's worth, I found the pear drops, rhubard & custards, and sherbet lemons on Amazon made by Bonds of London Sweetshop Favourites. Since I live in California, going to the nearest sweetshop is not an option.

Christopher Fowler Sat, 12/12/2020 - 18:54

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Can you not get Refreshers anymore? My old business partner stopped buying Rowntrees Fruit Gums when they modernised and went chemical-free because 'they don't taste as good without e-numbers.'

Jo W (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 20:54

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Yes,Chris,you can get Refreshers in our 'corner' shops and in the Cadbury shop down in Portsmouth they sell bags of eight rolls.
I have been known to over indulge.

Peter T (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 21:07

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Blue Bird was popular in our house. It came in several forms: individua wrappedl toffees, in chocolate, liquorice (amazing), and in blocks with a dinky hammer. We used to call small hammers 'taffee ommers.'

Barbara Boucke (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 21:17

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

I looked on Amazon and one can get Refreshers delivered here in the States, so I assume Amazon UK would have them as well.

Helen Martin (not verified) Sat, 12/12/2020 - 22:12

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

We have been overindulging in Liquorice allsorts and have found that there is more than one brand so you have to be careful. Bassett's is our "real thing"brand. Without the chemical flavour and colour the taste is bound to be different, so I'm with your partner, Chris/

Martin Tolley (not verified) Sun, 13/12/2020 - 12:04

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Never thought of Amazon for sweets - just amazing selections in UK. But caveat emptor - there are chewie bars there allegedly strawberry refreshers - not the proper thing. Barrats are the real deal and free delivery!. But also mentioned on the same page is floor polish and laundry products - depends on what needs refreshing...

Brooke (not verified) Sun, 13/12/2020 - 12:17

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

our tastes grow tame? Speak for yourself, please. Here in City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection, hard core biography, books on race, economic and politics fill bookstore windows. But you never know what folks are actually reading on their kindles and ipads.
The Detection Club--reviewing its membership it appears to be a badge of mediocrity. Screams "quaint." Better for your writing and your brand that you are not included. And Arthur wouldn't approve.

Peter T (not verified) Sun, 13/12/2020 - 15:10

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Well, we know what Groucho said about clubs. I discovered it also seems to apply to employers.

Barbara Boucke (not verified) Sun, 13/12/2020 - 16:17

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

To each his own, I realize, so I freely admit to being "quaint". However, some of my favorite authors were members of the Detection Club - Ronald Knox, G. D. H. and Margaret Cole, R. Austin Freeman, John Rhode, and - in time - Gladys Mitchell and Edmund Crispin. Others I like may not have been invited to join. I don't think belonging to a club is a measure of one's abilities one way or another. It might be nice to be asked, but - in the end - it's not who you are.

Wayne Mook (not verified) Mon, 14/12/2020 - 03:38

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

'If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club.' jingles, sweets and clubs nice to tie a thread together. (Club well they were small bars I could buy in my local shop. Not local as in near by not surreal and scary local, although sometimes I don't know. Well Woman's Weekly did get a plug from Wood.)

They made strawberry shoelaces healthier by using tomato and since tomato goes right through me I have to be careful which shoelaces I tie myself to.

Cheers Admin that's another couple added to the mammoth reading pile, I kindled the Shortest/s. The German one has good rating too, and that I mean the German language version of the Shortest German one.

I've had to cut down on the liquorice tea but finding it hard to cut down on the Twining Dark Caramel tea, I now it sounds wrong but what the heck.

Sorry for not being on much, been a bit under the weather and my work pattern changed (always a pain to adapt the body clock especially at my age.) I must read the previous threads.


Brian Evans (not verified) Mon, 14/12/2020 - 10:27

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

We used to sing that jingle at school Wayne, though it meant something quite different the way we sang it.. A double entendre that takes you into "Carry On" territory. Like a lot of confectionery, I think they have got smaller during the years. Oooh Matron....

Ian Luck (not verified) Wed, 23/12/2020 - 07:40

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

When the production crew of the TV show 'Life On Mars' borrowed some actual 1970's 'Curly Wurly' (advertised by unfunny git Terry Scott) wrappers for props in a scene, they were disappointed to find that the then current 'Curly Wurly' was at least a third smaller than the original, and looked ridiculous in the original packaging.

Wayne Mook (not verified) Fri, 25/12/2020 - 03:41

In reply to by anonymous_stub (not verified)

Saying that Ian, there was a time when especially with crisps there was a lot of empty space. Can't think why people got up set.