Today’s story proves that I don’t make up my stories.
Don’t you hate it when people thrust flyers at you outside the station? When I come out of the tube at King’s Cross I get energy drink samples, magazines, mad stuff about Jesus and requests for cash.
When I come out of the underground station at a small town further along the coast from Barcelona, I get witch doctors.
Badelona, it appears, is the centre for Northern Spain’s witch doctor community, and there are lots of them. Even better, they offer rival services and fight for each other’s pitches. Now I’ve started collecting them and talking to their exponents.
They’re mostly from Nigeria and Uganda and can cure everything. They’ll help you with love and matrimonial problems, diseases of the eye, buying and selling, impotence, protection from enemies, ‘cleaning with maximum efficiency’, negotiations and deportations. All you have to do after consultation is buy ‘Stay Away’ and attraction candles, ointments and potions.
Best of all, they guarantee 100% perfect results in just one week! Professor Madiba is a grand seer, Professor Kaousou is a high magician, Professor Setis is a medium. These dudes can give Maggie Armitage a run for her money.
Unlike the chap in the photo (who is clearly white) the witch doctors are dressed in nice suits, sometimes with the addition of a colourful cap. They don’t have a very salubrious track record, however. Drug traffickers are known to hire witch doctors, who are paid thousands of dollars to provide supernatural protection from law enforcement.
Spain is a surprisingly open and accepting country, so I’m always amazed to see the doctors working their patches alongside lottery ticket sellers and restaurant greeters.