The Kipper: A Brief History
Kipper: A whole herring, a small, smelly, oily fish that has been split from tail to head along the dorsal ridge, gutted, salted or pickled, and smoked over oak woodchips to produce a slimy, emetic meat some people insist on eating for breakfast. Not to be confused with;
UKipper: A far-right racist also known for its unpleasant smell and slippery skin.
Or perhaps they’re the same. Our future PM Mr Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson waved one at his bemused audience, ranting about fish and blaming the EU for its packaging, which of course turns out to be the usual lie. The Brexit-loving kipper-waggler slammed a British law in the Isle of Man, which is not in the EU, as any fule kno. It’s the UK government, not the EU, that created stupid laws around hated 1950s-style fish. He could have Googled that at the podium, but frankly, why bother?
This is a kipper smoking yard, also known as the House of Commons. Here, many stinky old lies are repackaged in comfy plastic bags marked ‘True Facts’ and sold on to unsuspecting dunces in the shires. Perhaps that sad lady who just announced that she voted Brexit in order to have fish and chips wrapped in newspaper again would like one, although as it’s in a plastic bag she may complain. Luckily, there’s no-one left to complain to.
Is there an oily, smelly politician you’d like to gut from tail to head and stuff with salt on an open fire? When the racist liar Johnson gets together with his hero, the racist liar Trump, there’ll be lots more ‘kippers’ for everyone, and every neighbourhood will have a kipper detention centre!
A caption for the photo? Mine would be from the kipper, thinking: ‘Oh God, how embarrassing, I’m on with Boris Johnson!’