Brexit: Heading For The Life-Rafts
As the SS Great Britain heads Titanic-like for the iceberg of a No-Deal Brexit, everyone wants answers as to how we got into this mess. We all know the short answer; David Cameron traded a referendum for favours, and although he told CNN he believes Britain has “taken the wrong course” in opting to leave the European Union, he says he doesn’t regret forcing it on us. This kind of doublethink exists exclusively among bad politicians, and Cameron is being generally referred to as ‘Britain’s worst-ever prime minister’. Self-interest, poor education and blatant lies drove the country’s voting.
Whichever side you’re on in the Brexit debate, it’s impossible not to see that the nation was tricked by an outright lie painted on a bus side. If there was another referendum (which there won’t be) the results would favour remaining in Europe and keeping hold of more than 750 trade agreements which have taken so many years to lock into place.
But, by placing emphasis on racial divides, nostalgia for the Second World War and the idea that some of the most neglected parts of the country, which are among the most heavily EU-subsidised, will magically blossom new industries, the nays had it. Nigel ‘Quisling’ Farage crept around Trump but failed to secure any desperately-begged respect. Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson offered to build a bridge to mainland Ireland and had to have it pointed out to him by structural engineers that this was a ludicrously impossible idea (like all of his others).
When Johnson was the Mayor of London, he was accused of public health fraud for ordering the use of so-called dust suppressants to keep down pollution where official monitoring was being carried out, in order to avoid losing millions in EU fines.
Worst of all, Jacob ‘Lord Snooty’ Rees-Mogg, the God-bothering high Tory who doesn’t understand why people wear jeans, launched plans to send us further back than the 1940s, possibly to the 1840s. Snooty’s father was a Baron and a crossbencher who co-wrote this book about how to make a financial killing from the suffering of others.
Meanwhile, Bozo’s famous quotes include; ‘Orientals…have larger brains and higher IQ scores. Blacks are at the other pole’, referred to black children as ‘piccaninnies’ and said that female students go to university because they have got to find men to marry. Which just leaves us with Farage, who has never uttered an intelligent sentence, and the Great British Public, many of whom are at a loss to articulate their voting decisions. The people who voted to call a ship ‘Boaty McBoatface’ wanted Muslims out, not noticing that they don’t generally come from Luxembourg. Meanwhile the Labour leader, Jeremy ‘Catweazle’ Corbyn, failed to attend one of the biggest-ever protest rallies through London last week because he was in Switzerland meeting the president of Chile.
Brexit will take years to implement, by which time most Leavers will be dead. So let’s accept it and move on. What will a last-minute deal (the most likely outcome) mean in reality? Higher prices, lower pound value, the end of subsidies for already hard-hit rural areas, the increase of poverty, worsening infrastructure and quality of life. Let’s not even consider a No-Deal situation. And the gain? Well, the French will get to print our new passports. Even that staunch Brexiter Sir James Dyson, who has clearly read the above book, is hypocritically moving his factories to, er, Singapore. London taxis are to be built in China. France’s president, Macron, has been flying out the City’s captains of industry and trying to convince them to move to Paris as he fish-eyes the London Stock Exchange.
The first immediate effect we’ll all feel will be the cancellation of the EHIC, the little card we carry that allows us free hospital treatment in every EU country. Mine runs out the very week of Brexit. A sign of how little people understood what they were voting for can be gleaned by listening to the rabid views of ex-pats living in Europe who somehow voted themselves out.
In a way this perfect storm is the final step in the decline and fall of the British Empire, to be picked over by vultures and dumped at the side of the road. We have become a ministerial kleptocracy, with a populace chastened by a mass hallucination. Greed and stupidity are once more in ascendency, and it’s up to the young to jump-start something genuinely fresh and innovative that will allow a basically good and decent populace to hold its collective head high again.