Why I’d Have Preferred A Southern European Childhood
1 Railway station destination boards have half a dozen countries on them.
2 Facial hair at 14 (Spain, Greece and Italy only).
3 Can sit outside for more than 20 minutes without having to go and dry off.
4 Emotional freedom; gesticulation, sweary gestures, shouting, slapping, kissing, public hugging, random protests, losing temper, generally being demonstrative over everything.
5 Seafood and salad every day if you feel like it, beaches don’t sell cockles or candy floss.
6 Matriarchal societies make blokes nicer, children well behaved & good to mothers.
7 Sunglasses on a kid; first chance to look cool. Don’t grow up with knees like bits of white string.
8 Get given first glass of red wine at age 7.
9 Don’t have to spend entire childhood in a sweater ‘for when it gets cold later’.
10 Beach trips do not involve losing money in arcade and standing over a jellyfish with a brick.
NB Much of this is offset by the one good reason for growing up in England; books. I’m in a flippant mood today. The sun is out, I’m between chapters and heading to the beach.