A Merry Christmas To All My Readers
Here’s more Christmas cheer for you from today’s papers. Some of it may be apocryphal, ie. from the Daily Telegraph.
London is on high alert for a terror attack. I live 500 yards from its epicentre.
Apparently there’s ‘Christmas weather travel chaos’ as storms batter Britain. Not in London.
Of course we can’t get anywhere in London anyway. No public transport runs on Christmas Day, unlike in the world’s other major cities.
Monty Python’s Terry Jones has been left unable to speak by dementia. Rick Parfitt from Status Quo has joined this year’s exclusive list of dead people. Carrie Fisher’s not looking too well.
Britain is not going to sign the international accord to stop multinationals avoiding tax, and pubs are about to be hit with a giant hike in rates, meaning many more closures.
The big breaking story in the Daily Mail; ‘Customer fury as Christmas dinner deliveries blighted by missing items.’
The Guardian is running a Christmas quiz; ‘How likely are you to become homeless?’ It also has an article on low sperm counts by a vicar headed; ‘I prayed for my testicles.’
Trump’s in trouble for corruption and he hasn’t even started his job yet.
Britain is now apparently experiencing a massive swing to ‘Remain’ in its ‘Leave’ areas. The words ‘horse’ and ‘stable door’ spring to mind. The Quisling Farridge is going to America, where someone will hopefully exercise their right to bear arms the next time he tries to tell everyone what to do.
Brighton & Hove council has stopped swimmers taking the traditional Christmas Day dip by closing off beaches because the water might be cold. Funny, they never stopped town planners turning a once-graceful Edwardian coastal town into a rubbish dump.
There’s a heatwave in the Arctic for the second week running. Said one scientist, ‘Santa will be overdressed, and should think about switching to a light plastic mac.’
Harry Potter is going to become even more ubiquitous in 2017. People are paying up to a thousand pounds for a stick. There are now four theme parks, two shows, seven books, eight feature films and vast takings for the first of possibly seven ‘Fantastic Beasts‘ films. I live 500 yards from the Harry Potter platform, and all of its wonderful visitors who daily queue for a selfie.
Even Her Majesty the Queen looks fed up (see above).
‘And as for next year,’ said Tiny Tim, ‘God help us, every one.’
Let’s have a song. This is from the marvellous productions of ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ and ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’ at the Haymarket. A Very Merry Christmas to you!