What Will Happen In Ye Olde Post-Brexit Englande?

Great Britain

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The return of Bob Danvers Walker announcing things.

‘Great British Bake Off’ to feature at least one jam roly-poly every week.

The words of Cliff Richard’s song revised to ‘We’re all going on a summer holiday until July 2016, after which we’ll be going to Bognor.’

Nigel Farridge plays own puppet on all-new Spitting Image. You know, a ‘proper job’.

Daily Telegraph memorial issue in which they supported Hitler to be reprinted.

Return of ‘Love Thy Neighbour’.

Unemployed Boris Johnson to return to ‘bridge-building’ (McDonald’s Garden Bridge)

More rain, because you know, British. And Pacamacs, 6d each.

Donald Trump to discover Welsh roots.

Return of films in which British actors black up to play Indians.

Immediate repatriation of ‘ten-foot-Pole’ they’ve heard most people wouldn’t touch Corbyn with.

‘Eurotrash’ to be reclassified as a drama series.

Gas meters, ‘Push Button A’ phone boxes and polio. And Billy Cotton’s Bandstand.

A ban on those ironic Ladybird books and a return to proper subjects, like housework.

Doctors who smoke.

National Whack-A-Pole Day.

Vera Lynn. Still around, a sprightly 99.

The word ‘Quisling’ to be replaced by ‘Gove’.

 

 

 

14 comments on “What Will Happen In Ye Olde Post-Brexit Englande?”

  1. All sweets to be unwrapped, stored in large glass jars and sold in paper bags.

  2. Vivienne says:

    Yes, and curled up sandwiches served on British Rail green slam-door trains.

  3. Lynchie says:

    PacaMacs! I hated wearing those. As a kid my mum made me wear one – a suffocating plastic blanket that made you look like an amorphous grey blob. I still have nightmares about them. PURE EVIL!

  4. Julie says:

    short trousers that itch for all adolescent males, and blue bags of sugar. And rickets.

  5. Peter Dixon says:

    Stop being so negative! Obviously all English males over 14 years old will be forced to practice with bow and arrows on the local green every Sunday (Bows and arrows should be compulsory, as with AK 47s, Colt 45’s etc in the US).

    We need to backdate to L.S.d. ; a sensible 12d to a shilling instead of 10 useless pieces of 1p to a 10p.

    Bring back things that the English can understand – A brass farthing, an ‘apenny, a thrupenny bit, a tanner, a florin, an ‘alf a crown, a sov’, a guinea.

    Wearing stiff brogues we chaps shall sit in ‘The Moon Under Water’, drink ale, discuss Raleigh and Drake, Nelson and Mandela, Punk and Ska, finger our beards, puff on vapes and talk about the Good Old Days. What the women (or Ladies) choose to do is up to themselves; knit, bake, do decoupage, tatting……it will be a wonderland only awaiting King Arthur to return and smite someone – possibly foreigners, not sure which ones, probably the ones who start with nothing and end up with successful businesses.

    As Boris probably said, or maybe thought in front of the bathroom mirror; ‘Who dares wins!’.

    Maybe all politicians should have lessons in Humility – they are voted in to serve their constituencies, not themselves, and should respect that trust. Wea are almost back to the days of ‘Rotten Burroughs’ with the rot entrenched in the media.

  6. Julie says:

    God I miss tatting…..and some integrity in politicians. Do rotten Burroughs lead to naked lunches? 🙂

  7. John Griffin says:

    The 1950s smell of fags on everything, black and grey slush everywhere in the ‘real’ winters that turned your knees blue, no more central heating (the bed clothes frozen), hipster haircuts rebranded as ‘pows’ (Manky slang) and mandatory vaseline or bay rum treatment.

  8. Steve says:

    Proper summers (1977) and proper winters (1963) …
    I was watching an old episode of a series called Strangers the other day, from 1981. Forgot how tatty the London of that time was.
    In those days I used to go by train to Europe and I remember very well leaving Victoria and all the dirty houses with washing hanging out. Then the next morning reaching Köln / Cologne and all the balconies having flowers on them and being spotless. What a contrast!! Then on to Stuttgart and you can’t believe how the difference back then of how very very much richer it was compared to home, it was like you didn’t see poor people.
    Well – memories. But I think the future will be quite exciting actually.

  9. Steve, I think the proper summer was 1976. I only remember because I had to find a job and went for one in an air-conditioned office, unusual in those days.

  10. Steve says:

    Christopher, 76 and 77 were both great summers! I just remember 77 with especial fondness for various reasons 🙂

  11. Wayne Mook says:

    The drought was so bad there was an advert with Stuart Hall by a village that was submerged in a reservoir, where is he now?

    I had a cagoule, a bright orange one that folded into a single pocket.

    That Danvers Walker was an Ozzy, would he pass the points system test?

    Could we go back to the 70’s and have a 3 day week I could use the sleep.

    Labour to split and create a new party that will eventually become part of the Liberal party.

    Wayne.

  12. Ford says:

    Fish’n’Chips wrapped in newspaper!

    Can we do away with foreign and regional accents on the BBC (unless it’s absolutely necessary for comedy purposes!) – RP only! ITV is for that sort of thing!

    As for the return to LSD, my Missus heard an old bloke on the bus last week, going on about 24 shillings in the pound!!!

  13. DC says:

    Not sure LSD coinage would be acceptable, given its Italian origin and being us being encouraged to use it by some Franco-German overlord. It was something of the Euro of its day, until it became widely discredited. Also “Pound” is a bastardisation of a Germanic word, which won’t do.

    We could adopt a new currency name appropriate to our new standing. I would have suggested the ‘Boris’ or ‘Farage’ but really they sound too… um… foreign. I’d vote for the ‘Gove’. We also don’t want the ‘foreign’ decimal system, and since we are British and fear nothing:
    1 gove= 13 graylings
    1 grayling= 13 whittingdales
    Which means there are 169 whittingdales to a Gove.

    We’d have to change some of the old-fashioned sayings:
    “In for a whittingdale, in for a gove.”
    “If I had a whittingdale for every time…”
    “The gove in your pocket…”

  14. Brian Evans says:

    Mangles

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