The Twelve Quotes of Bryant & May: No.8

Bryant and May

(Bryant and Maggie Armitage)

He paused to take a good look at his old friend Maggie Armitage. ‘What happened to you?’

The Grade IV White Witch and leader of North London’s Coven of St James The Elder was spattered in pink paint, not a nice pink either, but a shade that could best be described as Tired Marshmallow. ‘I was preparing a philtre for Dierdre,’ she explained, ‘because her sex life has taken a turn for the worse again. She met a Polish bus driver with a habit of calling round at 3:00am, and the trouble is he’s on nights, so he’d park a bus full of passengers outside her house while he came in.’

‘That must have been inconvenient.’

‘Not really. His route goes past her house.’

‘I meant for her.’

‘Oh, yes, that was the problem. She’d wanted to meet a man with his own transport, but technically of course he doesn’t.’

‘Doesn’t what?’

‘Own it. So I needed fennel for the potion. And Cheese And Onion crisps.’

‘You put crisps in a love potion?’

‘No, I was just hungry.’

From ‘Bryant & May Off The Rails’

2 comments on “The Twelve Quotes of Bryant & May: No.8”

  1. Jo W says:

    Happy Christmas to you,Admin and all your followers!

  2. Dan Terrell says:


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