I’m Trying To Read A Book!
Yes, you’re a tourist and you stop at the top of the stairs in the tube entrance to look up at the building opposite and get your bearings, but you stop so suddenly that I barrel into you because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
I understand I agreed to go ice-skating with you of all things just because I didn’t say no when you said ‘So I’ll go ahead and book it then, shall I?’ because I was TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
We missed our turning off the M-4 and are now going to Little Wadllington-On-Sea with no U-turns allowed for the next 25 miles all because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
The queue to get out of Luton Airport is reminiscent of a panicked departure from a state with a collapsing regime only with more fat people in sleeveless tops but the only thing that bugs me is having to shuffle my bag forward every ten seconds because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
I know we’re going to visit your mother and she’ll think it’s rude that I brought it with me but I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
We’re on a river barge negotiating a tricky lock and on the river it’s apparently all hands on deck to help except me who’s keeping lookout in case anyone falls in and gets Weill’s Disease from rat’s piss in the water and apparently someone did just fall in and they’re all shouting at me because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
I missed seeing something that made the crowd roar, either a goal or a car went into the stands or a matador got gored but I can’t really remember what event I’m attending because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
Please turn the TV down, after all you don’t really need to hear Kardashians screaming at each other as well as see them, and besides I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
You should turn off that iPad, they say it causes sleep apnea you know, and I can still see it from the corner of my eye which makes you extremely thoughtless as I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
Sorry I was late for work, the Northern Line split at Camden and went to Bank branch, and yes I know there are announcements every five seconds but I didn’t notice because I was TRYING TO READ A BOOK.
The flight went, the building caught fire, the street parade featured 2,000 Brazilian dancers, the end of the world was announced and they’re all just annoying me because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK!
Non-readers, I feel your pain.