I’m Trying To Read A Book!

Reading & Writing

Yes, you’re a tourist and you stop at the top of the stairs in the tube entrance to look up at the building opposite and get your bearings, but you stop so suddenly that I barrel into you because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

I understand I agreed to go ice-skating with you of all things just because I didn’t say no when you said ‘So I’ll go ahead and book it then, shall I?’ because I was TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

We missed our turning off the M-4 and are now going to Little Wadllington-On-Sea with no U-turns allowed for the next 25 miles all because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

The queue to get out of Luton Airport is reminiscent of a panicked departure from a state with a collapsing regime only with more fat people in sleeveless tops but the only thing that bugs me is having to shuffle my bag forward every ten seconds because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

I know we’re going to visit your mother and she’ll think it’s rude that I brought it with me but I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

We’re on a river barge negotiating a tricky lock and on the river it’s apparently all hands on deck to help except me who’s keeping lookout in case anyone falls in and gets Weill’s Disease from rat’s piss in the water and apparently someone did just fall in and they’re all shouting at me because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

I missed seeing something that made the crowd roar, either a goal or a car went into the stands or a matador got gored but I can’t really remember what event I’m attending because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

Please turn the TV down, after all you don’t really need to hear Kardashians screaming at each other as well as see them, and besides I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

You should turn off that iPad, they say it causes sleep apnea you know, and I can still see it from the corner of my eye which makes you extremely thoughtless as I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

Sorry I was late for work, the Northern Line split at Camden and went to Bank branch, and yes I know there are announcements every five seconds but I didn’t notice because I was TRYING TO READ A BOOK.

The flight went, the building caught fire, the street parade featured 2,000 Brazilian dancers, the end of the world was announced and they’re all just annoying me because I’m TRYING TO READ A BOOK!

Non-readers, I feel your pain.

14 comments on “I’m Trying To Read A Book!”

  1. Dan Terrell says:

    Outstanding! There’s also the egg to chicken opposite: TRYING TO WRITE A BOOK.
    Most annoying in this household: TRYING TO WATCH TV! “Yes, but your chair is surrounded by starving…” SSSHHHHH…..

  2. Philip Jackson says:

    This makes me feel so much better about myself! Thank you Mr Chris!

  3. Philip Jackson says:

    I should point out that I have no idea why the photo of my partner is appearing on my messages. I don’t look like that. I look the other of half of that person.

  4. Steve says:

    As the saying goes, been there, done that.
    Oh, and I don’t look like the picture either. Bit of a private joke.

  5. Helen Martin says:

    On the other hand, I do look like my picture, yes, exactly like that.It simplifies passports and drivers’ licenses marvelously, although enforcement officers have a bit of a problem sometimes.

  6. Philip Jackson says:

    Helen, you should try two lumps of coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose in December. Just a thought. A seasonal look?

  7. Dan Terrell says:

    Seriously now, Helen. You’ve never struck me such an indistinct person, so vague and hazy. Are you certain that’s you? It could pass as a portrait of the Invisible Man, excuse me, Person. If that is you, than let’s compare family trees because you surely look rather like me.
    Helen, Helen? Are you feeling okay?

  8. snowy says:

    Our host has been reading or listening to poetry.

    And I can’t remember where it comes from.


  9. admin says:

    Do you mind, all of you? I’M TRYING TO READ A BOOK!

  10. snowy says:



  11. John Howard says:

    You use Luton airport a lot then. Anyway i’m only here ‘cos I’M TRYING TO READ A BLOG!

  12. Alan G says:

    “These Romans are crazy!”

  13. Steve says:

    Thanks for the laugh Helen. Er..it was meant to be humorous, right?

    Now everybody SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

  14. Helen Martin says:

    (whispering) I didn’t think it was all that funny, but whatever works. Loved the Asterix quote, Alan, and I’ll try the coal and carrot suggestion.

Comments are closed.