Welcome To The Olympics; Now F**k Off
The Guardian has published an amusing guide to English etiquette for incoming Olympics visitors here. There have also been warnings that Londoners tend to swear a lot. To that advice I can add;
Please remember that the word ‘F**k’ is used much as the verb ‘to go’. As in ‘So I f**ked off over the pub.’ ‘I’m a bit f**ked’ means ‘my train is late’. ‘F**king hell’ is an expression of mild annoyance or surprise.
When a Londoner says ‘We must get together some time’ it means ‘F**k off’.
To anyone whose knowledge of the UK is based on Masterpiece Theater and the reminiscences of a grandfather who was last here just after the war; our food isn’t at all bad, but the correct response to the restaurant prices may be ‘F**k me!’.
If you think it’s great that the police aren’t armed, try walking through a South London tube station with a rolled-up newspaper.
If you don’t want people to say ‘We must get together some time’, don’t wear a side parting or a tie and don’t mention Jesus.
If you’re from Africa, be prepared to put up with someone telling you they know your country because they went on a ten-day holiday to the Gambia.
When things go horribly wrong with the transport system, don’t swear; write a mildly sarcastic email to someone who isn’t in charge.
Feel free to add your own etiquette points here.