The Hollywood Movies That Aren’t
I really want to see it. After a winter of watching earnest Oscar-worthy dramas, I want to see stuff get blown up – but intelligently, if you know what I mean. Without all that wave-a-gun-in-your-screaming-face stuff. I don’t want to see the streets of LA again.
I suppose I could go and see something with Nicholas Cage in, but these days he creeps me out when he kisses girls half his age. I need – French action. I need ‘Largo Winch II’, which according Imdb doesn’t even exist – but I know it does because Sharon Stone is in the trailers, and it’s a direct sequel to the first one. What’s that, you never heard of the first one either? That’s because it’s in French and therefore n’existe pas to the Imdb. It’s based on a BD and it’s great fun. Sometimes France does Hollywood better than Hollywood.
I love the ‘District 13’ movies (Look out! Hollywood remake alert – the first ‘District 13’ film is being remade as ‘Brick Mansion’ for some unearthly reason). But then I also liked the ‘Taxi’ movies, and those ones with Jason Statham driving around Nice with a girl in his boot.
But France also does B movies quite well, too. Cheap French SF movies make up a sub-genre that marries incomprehensible, pretentious plotting with plasticky effects. Oh, and Charlotte Rampling as some kind of corporate nemesis, in both ‘Immortel’ and ‘Babylon AD’. The latter flick has my favourite B star, Vin Diesel, and contains a key explanatory line delivered by a doctor, to wit; ‘we can go back through your memory and fiddle with your brain.’ Fiddle with? Is that, like, a technical term?
B movies love urban dystopias because they’re cheap to create. You just new a few burned out cars and derelict blocks of flats. But to me, that’s not the future, that’s Liverpool.
France created more cool cheapo SF with ‘Two Worlds’, a film about a man who goes to make a pot of coffee and falls onto another planet, ‘Perhaps’, about a man who falls out of a toilet window and lands in Paris after global warming has filled it with sand, and ‘RrrrRRRRRrrrr’, a film about detective cavemen that features sabre-toothed ducks.
This trailer is quite cool because it’s also a lesson in Frog. There are questions at the end.
Until the third ‘OSS 117’ movie arrives, I’ll have to be content with this (warning, the first time I played it, it contained a Justin Beiber pop-up!). I may have posted the trailer before, but if I did I can’t find it now…