The Moisturizer’s Gift Guide

Film

Apparently I have an online nickname – The Moisturizer – which appears to have been started by the writer AM Esmonde, and as you can’t stop anything that appears on the net I’m running with it this once.

Well, you may have finished your Christmas shopping but I haven’t started and probably won’t until late next week. The alpha male in me (careful) thinks it’s more manly to show you can chuck together Christmas with the devil-may-care attitude of James Bond on an off day.

But the wimp in me says you need to know what you’re shopping for. I hate newspaper gift guides for guys, which seem to think cufflinks and socks are actually acceptable presents for men. No. They. Are. Not. Women are very well catered for, but men’s ideas – meh. So here’s my Christmas gift guide for males.

So you can’t be Harrison Ford but you can have a Bladerunner umbrella – all the guys I know who’ve seen this want one, from here.

Smokers know they’re bad boys and just think you’re Captain Bringdown if you try to stop them, so here’s the Tray Of The Dead, complete with skelingtons.

The same shop does great jewellery for men, all ethically sourced so that you don’t hurt anyone when you buy (my wedding ring came from here). He does some great rings containing wood dug out of ancient vessels found in the Thames mud, and they’re stunning. They’re online here.

Did you love magic tricks as a kid? Buy the real grown-up thing from a professional magic shop. Head for Davenports. Yes, Bryant & May’s favourite weird store really exists here.

The best fitting T-shirts come from a gay online shop (now there’s a surprise).

The shirts are cheeky without crossing the line into rudeness, and they actually fit properly so that you don’t suffer from Flowerpot-Sleeve Syndrome (not a real syndrome, I just made that up). Buy them here.

I have to recommend a book that’s just been reissued. You know how your dad liked James Bond – Sean Connery I mean, not those other girly lightweights – ever wonder why he liked Bond so much? The full hilarious story of why Bond means so much is told in ‘The Man Who Saved Britain’ by Simon Winder.

For the musically inclined, I have to recommend Daft Punk’s sensational, pumping soundtrack for ‘Tron: Legacy’, cheaper as a download but less bass-sounding than the CD.

Right, that’s you lot sorted out – on to my own shopping…

One comment on “The Moisturizer’s Gift Guide”

  1. Helen Martin says:

    That umbrella is fabulous! Never mind guys, I’ll take one with a white LED, thank you. I’ve never been able to figure out why winter outerwear is universally dark coloured. Couple that with the love of black clothing just now and you have a suicide’s delight so the lighted umbrella (which unfortunately is black) is a literal life saver.
    The $6,300 wooden ring of sighs will have to stay on the shelf, but all of their men’s jewelry is lovely.
    Not a bad job at all, Chris! Now if you only do this earlier next year – but you won’t, of course, what was I thinking?

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