Collider Is Perfect For The Tube

Reading & Writing

The Hadron Collider II has found a new use; it could become part of London’s Circle Line. London Underground is in talks with Cern about the possibility of using the 23km tunnel of the Circle Line to house a new type of particle accelerator similar to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva.

Particle physicists believe the existing tunnel can be adapted to take a small-scale “atom smasher” alongside the passenger line at a fraction of the cost of building a new tunnel elsewhere in Europe. Although there are still technical problems to overcome, such as a geo-magnetic “kink” in the circuitry at Edgware Road station, Cern is confident that it will be able to convince London Underground of the merits of the scheme, which should result in the first air-conditioned underground line as a spin-off of installing supercooled magnets below ground.

It would mean that two beams of protons would be travelling in clockwise and counterclockwise directions at 99.999999 per cent of the speed of light, within feet of Circle line passengers stuck in perpetual immobility.

Oh yes, and it’s a tradition for British newspapers to run April Fool’s Day stories. This one is from The Independent, which is a lot better than the Daily Mail’s pathetic ‘Rocket Men Automobile Association’ story today or the Telegraph’s truly lame ‘Ferrets Deliver Broadband’. And this is one from the Guardian, about Labour’s new ‘Get Tough’ election campaign…