The Horror Of Houseguests


It's Like A Hotel But Without A Bill At The End

It's Like A Hotel But Without A Bill At The End

My friend Jennifer writes to tell me of a NYT article concerning the biggest problem in August; houseguests from Hell. God forbid you live near the sea, because you’ll suddenly find yourself with friends you’ve never even met. I’ve invited a friend or two to my house in France, only to find there are about a dozen of them staying when I turn up unexpectedly. The unlikeliest people appear from nowhere. Elizabeth Bradley, the actress who played Maud on ‘Coronation Street’ visited me and actually died on my sofa. And a pair of famous movie stars (who will have to remain nameless, at least until their agents are dead) arrived in order to hide from the press and used the place as a shag-pad (while simultaneously denying rumours that they were an item). So, beware the houseguest here.

5 comments on “The Horror Of Houseguests”

  1. Steve says:

    “Fish and House guests stink after three days”. I’ve seen this variously attributed to Benjamin Franklin, G B Shaw and Mark Twain.
    In any case – I concur, save that I would change “days” to “hours”.

  2. Steve says:

    When either are left at room temperature, of course.

  3. Steve says:

    “Is” left at room temperature? I’m sure I wouldn’t be worried about proper grammar if I weren’t posting on an Author’s blog.
    Then again, maybe I would.
    Obviously, I don’t have enough to do.

  4. Helen Martin says:

    It’s “is”, of course, Steve. I would like to know about Elizabeth Bradley’s death. Was she a self-invited guest? Was she already sick? Did someone hasten her death? Was it in the press at the time? Can we start a rumour?

  5. Steve says:

    Obviously a heart attack brought on by the sudden blinding realization that there was only one escape possible from playing Maud……………

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